Wednesday, 3 April 2013

PRAISE BE TO GUINNESS. IT'S A MIRACLE!

Breaking News: Irish brewer Guinness have performed a brewing miracle! 

Not since Jesus gatecrashed a wedding in Cana, and changed water in to wine, have we witnessed such an event!

We all thought only Jesus could perform such miracles with alcohol. 

But wait! Now, magical powers from across the Irish Sea. Guinness have invented a device that carbonates a flat, lifeless and characterless pint of stout. Changing it into a creamy, resurgent, palatable quaff. With a modicum of oomph!

We had the magical hands of Jesus. Now we have 'The Surger'.

  Yes, my Lords,Ladies and Gentleman. A device that conducts
THE MIRACLE 'HOLY SURGER'
electricity into the lifeless,shallow and characterless black liquid and VOILA
Instant carbonation and life as we know it.


Apparently, there are these tiny, magical, metal rings that are submerged into the 'black stuff' thus enabling the electricity to be conducted.

The glass of lifeless Guinness is placed on a plate and a magic button  is pressed.  This results in the pint being instantly carbonated, by the electrical charge!......It's truly a miracle of Cana proportions!

A multitude of pilgrims have set out on a journey to the holy shrine of 'The Surger' in Dublin!   

Pilgrims place their glass of lifeless Guinness on the 'Holy Surger'plate (as it is now known) and they witness the miracle of life, once not thought possible in this brew! 


I CAN MATCH ANYTHING DONE AT CANA!
Despite the surge(no pun intended) in popularity, the magical pint will still cost 50p more than any other stout on the market

However, a small price to pay, one thinks, for 'The Holy Surger' related pint of Guinness. 

Surely, it's a miracle to match the feat of the geezer with the long hair and a beard, who changed a ceramic vessel full of water into wine, at that wedding bash in Cana! 

5 comments:

  1. They brought that out years ago but it died a death. The Surger was about £18 & it required you to buy four packs of "surger" Guinness that was about a quid more than a four pack of the regular widget stuff. I gather the gimmick was visual rather than any claims made regarding flavour.

    It seemed to disappear after six months. Is this a relaunch or have they noticed a warehouse full of unsold stock?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bit late for an April Fool joke:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tyson, you know I like to have an occasional joke at the expense of the Irish Brewer! :-)

      Delete
  3. I am reliably informed by a pub landlord, that it has been re-launched! Hence, the opportunity to poke a little fun at Guinness! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. it DOES NOT carbonate the beer my friend. The beer already has carbon dioxide and nitrogen dissolved in it. All the surger does is send ultrasound waves through the glass (the same principle as banging a pint glass with another) these shock waves force the dissolved gasses to effervesce and float to the top. So technically your beer will actually be flatter.
    Just saying like.

    ReplyDelete