|ONLY CHARACTERLESS,LIFELESS BARS QUALIFY|
This year we will only focus on bars of a certain standard - and of high gastronomic appeal and distinction.
You will find all our entrants have paid the £1000 fee,(American Express&Gold Debit cards accepted) that entitles them to be showcased in our 2014 publication. They are bars of very high standard, where gastronomic delights will be paramount.
They are establishments where there is not much social interaction. We do not support hostelries where strangers may want to be polite, friendly and a little talkative - as we understand that you just want to order your spritzer, Bergerac and Pimms - as you wait for scallops and chorizo starter.
You will find also that we support soulless, lifeless bars in our edition. None of those, what do they call them - pubs, I believe.
You hear lots of rumours about these 'pubs', dotted around the country. They say they are most friendly and offer beer and other working class beverage's at value prices. I had to laugh when one or two, who said: You can purchase a pint of beer for less than £4.50." Ha ha - Gosh, these chummies had obviously had too many gin and tonics, one thinks!
You will find in our latest edition, many'Best Bar' awards: Best
Bar with the 'Gastro' Factor; Bar with no character or soul; Bar with no cask-conditioned beers - a particular favourite; Bar with no cosy areas where you sit and communicate with patrons; Bar with the highest percentage of middle-class clientele, who talk utter bullshit and are up their own arses; Bar with most patrons on their laptops or latest 4G phones - we dont encourage social interaction.
And last but not least - The best new bar award( also known as a pub in some areas) This award is based on an establishment which serves gastronomical cuisine of the highest quality, fine wines - with beverages starting at £5 - yes you lucky chummies, you heard it correctly - just five pounds! It will be situated in a stockbroker/professional footballer type of area - and will be free of jolly, friendly, talkative, working-class types, you occasionally observe sitting quietly at the bar.
The GBG 2014 is available now at all middle to upper-class type bars and high class restaurants, quality food emporiums - also known as high class supermarkets - and of course, all good book stores.
Sadly, the Good Bar Guide will not be available in 4000, as yet unnamed, public houses - as they are all expected to close in the next twelve months....Good riddance to them all! "Crack open the 'Bolly', Tarquin!"